I stink at blogging everyday.
But, I'm not upset about that. It has been a week.. or two.. or three.. since I posted. I honestly do not know, and that means that time is flying by! In fact, we are almost 20% done.. Almost. When I think of it that way, I know I can do that little segment four more times. I could do it 100 more times, as long as I get my husband back in the end.
I have nothing profound to write about tonight, so I'll just give some updates.
Kyle has started eating baby food! He started with prunes - loved them - yet I didn't love the results lol. Not to be graphic, but this kid always has some pretty icky diapers.. And let's just say the prunes didn't make them any better. I have never seen a diaper so full lol.
After prunes, we tried peas. NO GO. Then we tried squash - NO GO. Tonight, we tried green beans - WIN! And now, he is sleeping in his big boy crib for the first time :).
He is getting so big and mature, everyday I am more impressed by him.
His newest accomplishment is being able to reach for and grab things. Like, really reach. At the beach, he went belly to the ground to pick up a bag of potato chips. He got them, and was content for the rest of the trip just holding and crinkling that bag. He has also started his fascination with electronics. He now loves to take my phone from my hands (his motor skills are impressive!) and try to type on the computer. He also laughed at Hallie today, when he saw she was in his jumperoo. I'd like to think he knows this was a funny thing, but I know that probably isn't the case.
So, Hallie loves getting in the jumperoo. In fact, she loves doing anything Kyle does, right down to laying on the floor and playing with her feet. At the same time, she is turning into less of a toddler each day.
She loves to dress herself, and no outfit is complete without her boots. She still helps out with her bubby a ton, always wiping his spit up, helping change his diapers, and entertaining him. Her new favorite activity is pushing his stroller, and for the last week that has been his favorite seat in the house. In fact, her idea is down right GENIUS! He loves his umbrella stroller, and is perfectly content sitting in it and being wheeled from room to room to watch me clean. They make a pretty cute duo! I even let her walk him outside so we could tape for Daddy. It wasn't as easy with the bumpy ride, but things did get funny when she heard a car and made a run for it. As much as she loves him, she knew that she needed to be out of the road, and she left him lol. Good thing the speed limit is now 10 when passing pedestrians :).
Hallie has also learned to blow bubbles on her own, and her newest obsession is Juicy Juice boxes. She now opens the fridge to get them.. the only thing we need to work on is ASKING for me to open them. She still seems to think she can get things by screaming, but we're making progress.
So, now you have an update on the kids.. Wanna hear all of their shenannigans?
Kyle
1: We go to our appointment the other day (it is literally .5 miles away) and by the time we get there and I start to get him out of his carseat, he has had a blowout. His worst yet. Poop up to his neck, and all over his new outfit. This is the ONE time I didn't grab an extra for the diaper bag.. well, because we were only two minutes from our house, and the last thing I did before I put him in his seat was put a fresh diaper on him. I was so embarrassed, and at a total loss. His carseat was obviously out of commission, and I had to finish up our appointment with a naked baby, AND a cranky toddler having tantrums. Thankfully, the women understood (I think) and we made it out okay. It doesn't seem like such a big deal now, but it definitely had me at my wits end that day..
2: As I said, Kyle is now fascinated with my phone. He is also fascinated with chewing on things. EVERYTHING. So, if you call me, and I can't hear you very well... put 2 and 2 together :) Hello baby-drool-water-damage!
Hallie
1: Craisins... We bought Nathan craisins for his care package. As soon as Hallie found them in the grocery bag she forced me to open them (she can be pretty persuasive..). This is the same night Kyle was eating his first baby food, and I was taping it for Nathan... Because I have five hands, ya know? Well, in those five minutes, she dumped out the craisins EVERYWHERE. That seems to be her new thing - dumping stuff out. In fact, there is still a bags worth of Teddy Grahams in the baby swing - ew. *Note to self, clean swing!! The funny part of this story happened a few days later. I see Hallie put on her boot, and I hear an ew (her favorite word this month). I then see her take off the boot and turn it over (such a smart babygirl!). Approximately 40 craisins come out. But, it doesn't end there. She has to pick one up and eat it... or attempt to. It apparently tasted like feet, because she spit it out and gagged. Not laughing? I guess you just had to be there.
2: Hot dogs... I grilled on Sunday. I didn't burn the place down, or injure anyone :). But Melissa and her ducklings came over since we were missing the guys grilling for us (my grilling involved a lot less alcohol, and just wasn't the same). Well, I grilled hot dogs for the kids.. and at some point, Hallie got ahold of the package of raw hot dogs, and thought it would be a good idea to hit CJ over the head with them.
I still laugh when I picture Hallie whacking someone with a hot dog. lol
3: Today Hallie removed her skirt, and was running around outside in a tank top, diaper and boots. Toooooo cute, but we did get some funny looks from the neighbors. Whatever makes her happy, right?
Those are some of the funnier moments of our last few weeks. I hope you enjoy laughing at my expense. There is never a dull moment with this two, and they really do keep me going <3
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Itty Bitty Fingernails
It was an interesting morning in the Payne house today.
Hallie hasn't been feeling well since we arrived at home, and last night she woke up inconsolable. I ended up putting her in bed with me and Kyle - funny how two tiny things can take up so much space! Well, she continued to wake up every 30min-1hr, and we didn't get much sleep. Apparently, it affected me more than her..
I woke up this morning to the faint sound of Hallie's giggling and Kyle saying mmmm.
I look over and Kyle is covered in something dark. Omg! How did the kids wake up and not me?! And what is on my kids face?!
Chocolate. Chocolate chips to be exact.
My sneaky little booger, Hallie, got out of bed and got the bowl of chocolate chips from last night. (Last night was fun too.. she found the chocolate chips in the grocery bag, and of course had to eat some. She also had to dump them all over the table - which is why they were in a bowl.) Not only did she sneak out of bed, but she snuck back into bed... and started feeding the chips to Kyle.
Well, I'm guessing she fed them to him, she of course was a perfect smiling angel as I woke up and looked at them, but Kyle was covered in chocolate. I'm not sure if that means he liked them a lot, or if it means that he got more on him than in him.
Thank God he was okay. He was actually pretty happy about it, all smiles as usual! And I guess it did make for a pretty funny start to the day, and it set the perfect mood.
We all got up and ready for the day - wearing fresh pajamas. We were bums today, and it was nice! We were even able to nap together - Mommy Heaven!!
You're probably wondering where fingernails come into play here.. I bathed Kyle to remove the chocolate (that stuff was everywhere! Chin, neck, arms..) and followed that up by clipping his nails.
His nails grow so fast, and so do Hallie's, so it is a normal part of our routine. Today, it shocked me how fast I have gotten at doing this, and how coooperative he is. I started thinking back to the first time I ever clipped baby fingernails, the first time I got Hallie's skin - and how I about cried at the sight of the world's smallest cut. I used to dread nail clipping. Fussy/squirmy babies and metal? Uhh no thanks! (I haven't cut my kids in ages, btw :))
Anyway, it was funny looking back at how the things that are now simple tasks and require little or no thought, used to be so nerve wracking. When did I get so good at this Mommy thing? And where did my teeny tiny babies go?
Although I wouldn't ever want go back to the days of being afraid to dress/change/feed a baby, it is sad to me that those days are gone, and they passed without notice. We remember a lot of 'firsts' but not alot of 'lasts'.
When was the last time my hands shook as I dressed my child?
When was the last time Hallie took a bottle? Ate baby food? Swung in her swing? (That one was today actually lol)
When was the last time Kyle took a binky? Layed on the floor without being able to roll over?
You never know when will be the last time something happens. Your last first date, your last first kiss. The last time you talk to a friend, visit a family member, slept in the same house as your husband..
This deployment is teaching me to take in all of the little details, because you never know when it could be the last time. One day Hallie will stop calling pizza "pitzee" just like she stopped saying 'Mmmmm' with every bite.
In today's world, it is so easy to put something off until 'tomorrow'. I'm way too good at this when it comes to things I want to do myself.
I'll take my kids' picturestomorrow, I'll surprise my husband with breakfast in bed tomorrow, I'll start reading them a nightly bedtime story tomorrow.
When will I learn to write down the little things I never want to forget, and take the time to cherish the things that make my heart swell?
Today. It starts today. I will start taking more time for myself and my family. I will continue learning to cherish the moment.
Being a better wife, mother, daughter, friend, and person starts TODAY.
Hallie hasn't been feeling well since we arrived at home, and last night she woke up inconsolable. I ended up putting her in bed with me and Kyle - funny how two tiny things can take up so much space! Well, she continued to wake up every 30min-1hr, and we didn't get much sleep. Apparently, it affected me more than her..
I woke up this morning to the faint sound of Hallie's giggling and Kyle saying mmmm.
I look over and Kyle is covered in something dark. Omg! How did the kids wake up and not me?! And what is on my kids face?!
Chocolate. Chocolate chips to be exact.
My sneaky little booger, Hallie, got out of bed and got the bowl of chocolate chips from last night. (Last night was fun too.. she found the chocolate chips in the grocery bag, and of course had to eat some. She also had to dump them all over the table - which is why they were in a bowl.) Not only did she sneak out of bed, but she snuck back into bed... and started feeding the chips to Kyle.
Well, I'm guessing she fed them to him, she of course was a perfect smiling angel as I woke up and looked at them, but Kyle was covered in chocolate. I'm not sure if that means he liked them a lot, or if it means that he got more on him than in him.
Thank God he was okay. He was actually pretty happy about it, all smiles as usual! And I guess it did make for a pretty funny start to the day, and it set the perfect mood.
We all got up and ready for the day - wearing fresh pajamas. We were bums today, and it was nice! We were even able to nap together - Mommy Heaven!!
You're probably wondering where fingernails come into play here.. I bathed Kyle to remove the chocolate (that stuff was everywhere! Chin, neck, arms..) and followed that up by clipping his nails.
His nails grow so fast, and so do Hallie's, so it is a normal part of our routine. Today, it shocked me how fast I have gotten at doing this, and how coooperative he is. I started thinking back to the first time I ever clipped baby fingernails, the first time I got Hallie's skin - and how I about cried at the sight of the world's smallest cut. I used to dread nail clipping. Fussy/squirmy babies and metal? Uhh no thanks! (I haven't cut my kids in ages, btw :))
Anyway, it was funny looking back at how the things that are now simple tasks and require little or no thought, used to be so nerve wracking. When did I get so good at this Mommy thing? And where did my teeny tiny babies go?
Although I wouldn't ever want go back to the days of being afraid to dress/change/feed a baby, it is sad to me that those days are gone, and they passed without notice. We remember a lot of 'firsts' but not alot of 'lasts'.
When was the last time my hands shook as I dressed my child?
When was the last time Hallie took a bottle? Ate baby food? Swung in her swing? (That one was today actually lol)
When was the last time Kyle took a binky? Layed on the floor without being able to roll over?
You never know when will be the last time something happens. Your last first date, your last first kiss. The last time you talk to a friend, visit a family member, slept in the same house as your husband..
This deployment is teaching me to take in all of the little details, because you never know when it could be the last time. One day Hallie will stop calling pizza "pitzee" just like she stopped saying 'Mmmmm' with every bite.
In today's world, it is so easy to put something off until 'tomorrow'. I'm way too good at this when it comes to things I want to do myself.
I'll take my kids' pictures
When will I learn to write down the little things I never want to forget, and take the time to cherish the things that make my heart swell?
Today. It starts today. I will start taking more time for myself and my family. I will continue learning to cherish the moment.
Being a better wife, mother, daughter, friend, and person starts TODAY.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Home is where the heart is..
New York!!
We're headed back tomorrow.. just Hallie, Kyle and I on a 1056 mile drive. Oh, and of course, the new TomTom GPS I bought today! I don't know much about these things, so I'm hoping this is a good one! I did make sure Canadian maps are included, because I plan on getting passports soon. Might as well visit Canada since we're so dang close!
So, home is where the heart is. This whole month I've been in Missouri I have looked forward to going back to New York. I miss my own house, my own routines, my friends, and my space. I also miss all of my little reminders of Nathan. But now that it is coming time to leave, I'm second guessing myself. It would be possible to live here, right?
NO, NO, NO! I suck at making decisions. Like, I can't even decide whether I should eat my taco or quesadilla first when I go to Taco Bell. And I always end up regretting my decision lol. (Yes, I'm dead serious.) So with a big decision like this, I hate that I'm starting to second guess myself. I think it is just because it is actually happening, we're actually going home. It is nice to know that if this feeling does stay, that we can come home anytime.
Gotta stop stressing over this!
So, I didn't post yesterday. I was in St. Charles visiting my sister, brother in law, and her children. I had so much fun seeing them, and taking pictures of their family, and doing Little Miss Kinslie's 'Three Month Young' pictures. I wasn't here when Kinslie was born (which is a giant deal for my family, because there is always a waiting room full of people when its baby time!) so she didn't seem 'real' to me until I met her. She is so tiny and adorable, and did so well in front of the camera!! I know Hallie is going to miss 'Ry Ry' and I can't wait to see their beautiful family again!
We're headed back tomorrow.. just Hallie, Kyle and I on a 1056 mile drive. Oh, and of course, the new TomTom GPS I bought today! I don't know much about these things, so I'm hoping this is a good one! I did make sure Canadian maps are included, because I plan on getting passports soon. Might as well visit Canada since we're so dang close!
So, home is where the heart is. This whole month I've been in Missouri I have looked forward to going back to New York. I miss my own house, my own routines, my friends, and my space. I also miss all of my little reminders of Nathan. But now that it is coming time to leave, I'm second guessing myself. It would be possible to live here, right?
NO, NO, NO! I suck at making decisions. Like, I can't even decide whether I should eat my taco or quesadilla first when I go to Taco Bell. And I always end up regretting my decision lol. (Yes, I'm dead serious.) So with a big decision like this, I hate that I'm starting to second guess myself. I think it is just because it is actually happening, we're actually going home. It is nice to know that if this feeling does stay, that we can come home anytime.
Gotta stop stressing over this!
So, I didn't post yesterday. I was in St. Charles visiting my sister, brother in law, and her children. I had so much fun seeing them, and taking pictures of their family, and doing Little Miss Kinslie's 'Three Month Young' pictures. I wasn't here when Kinslie was born (which is a giant deal for my family, because there is always a waiting room full of people when its baby time!) so she didn't seem 'real' to me until I met her. She is so tiny and adorable, and did so well in front of the camera!! I know Hallie is going to miss 'Ry Ry' and I can't wait to see their beautiful family again!
Enjoy this sneak peek :)
Also, today was Mother's Day. It is starting to hit me that Nathan is really gone. It was really difficult to see people celebrating, and buying the moms in their lives cards, all while not having him here. It is just too weird having Mother's Day, while I'm trying to play the role of Mom and Dad.
That's all for tonight.. it has been a long week of goodbyes and little contact, and I have lots of packing to do.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Whirlwind of emotions.. Can you keep up?
One day I will write a blog that contains one emotion for the whole day. Today, however, is not that day.
My day started off with a knock at the door, aka a military wife's biggest fear and biggest pet peeve. It was my friend Kayla, and I forgive her for the mini-heart attack she caused. It was a late start to the morning, because as usual I was editing my little heart out until about 3AM. I'm not sure why I do this everynight, because I am always cranky when I get off to a late start. Then again, if I don't stay up until my eyes will no longer stay open, I lay and bed and think for hours, eventually falling into a fitful sleep.. and I still wake up cranky. I'll take the deep sleep with no nightmares, please :).
After the morning diaper changes I rushed to get everything ready to take pictures of Brayden, my nephew. This was an adventure in itself.. Three kids, and only one other set of hands.. yeah, we were probably asking for disaster. My general rule of thumb is at least one set of hands per child for pictures, preferrably two. Surprisingly, things went pretty smoothly.
Brayden was in a very serious mood (which he totally pulled off cute pictures even without smiles!) and Hallie was the cranky one. I would say that she normally isn't, but it has become the norm over the last 2-3 months. [Had to leave at the most convenient time, didn't ya honey? ;)] Kyle was completely relaxed, as usual. The little stinker even sat up perfectly on his own for the pictures! Yet just an hour ago, when I tried to show his Mamaw his new achievement, he wouldn't do it. He is definitely his father's son lol.
Anyway, I had a great time taking Brayden's pictures, and getting to visit with him. Here is a sneak peek
Back to Hallie's tantrums.. they eventually ended when Brayden was out of the tub.. only because Hallie was splashing in it. Okay, its keeping her happy, I'll let her go for it. Oh, if kids were only that simple..
This...
Turned into this...
And finally... This. She's lucky she is so stinkin' cute!
Yes, she climbed in, clothes and all. I just didn't have the heart to stop her, and my hands were too busy snapping these adorable pictures. And she knew it.. I swear this child knows how to model. And she also knows that candid style shots are my favorites.
Just a recap.. so far we've hit: scared, peeved, cranky, surprised, and awe with my gorgeous children and the way they make my heart swell.
This of course brings me to sorrow, for a few reasons. First, time is going too fast - Kyle will be 6 months old this month! Second, Nathan isn't here to share these moments with me. I still forget that I can't contact him when I feel like it. This reminder brings in a bit of joy, because I remember there are positive things coming out of this deployment. For example, I will never take our relationship, his safety, or his presence for granted again.
It also brings great pride, because I am so proud of my husband.
Today, on Military Spouse Appreciation Day, I'm hoping that he is 1/100th as proud of us as we are of him. Making my husband proud is just another one of the reasons I've been so strong for the last weeks. [Sunday marks the end of week six <3] And I will continue to be strong for the next 10.5 months.
Today, on Military Spouse Appreciation Day, I'm hoping that he is 1/100th as proud of us as we are of him. Making my husband proud is just another one of the reasons I've been so strong for the last weeks. [Sunday marks the end of week six <3] And I will continue to be strong for the next 10.5 months.
Really? We have that much time left? Bring on the stress. Some days, I think 'Wow, a month down already!' and some days I think 'Really, only a month down?!' Today was definitely starting out to be a 'only one month down?!' day... Luckily, I have also learned during this deployment that you control your outlook.
My attitude quickly changed when I reminded myself of all of the things I have going on in the coming months.. Picking back up with my photography, and launching my website.. dipping into weddings [ONE WEEK UNTIL BOLDT CASTLE <3].. a reunion with my battle buddy and her kiddos.. many shopping and splash park trips now that NY is un-frozen.. another visit to MO, a visit to Arkansas, and Louisiana, and hopefully a visit to CALI... R&R.. More shopping.. Holidays and birthdays.. I could go on and on. And this, once again, makes me proud of myself. I remember getting sick to my stomach at the thought of the word deployment. I never would have dreamed I would have so much going on to keep me busy and help me grow. It also makes me excited. I have so many good things happening for me, and I can't wait to see where everything goes.
If you've kept up this far, go take a tylenol and a five minute break before I finish up with my last two emotions of the day.
Ya good?
Here goes:
This is my last weekend in Missouri. Knowing this brings excitement, fear, and guilt. Okay, I lied. THREE emotions :)
Excitement because I miss my home and my military family, and I can't wait to get back. It feels as if life has been put on hold for this extended visit, and I am so excited to get back into the routine that works best for us. In the comfort of our home.. the home I have shared with my husband and kids for a year now. Excitement because this means time is still moving forward, and I am that much closer to being wrapped in my husbands arms again. Excitement because I will be able to BREATHE again! I won't have to plan my trips to the gym around other peoples' schedules. I won't be this frazzled because of past memories with others.
Fear because I'm afraid to make this drive on my own, but mainly because of the threat level on post. Damn terrorists!! I hate living in fear, especially in a place that I chose to live so I wouldn't be afraid. [This obviously angers me, but that is a given]. Fear because I see no end in the near future. My children will never know a childhood without war and hatred.
Guilt because I know my children will miss my family here. And I know it kills my parents.
All in all, I know I'm making the right decision, and it is time for me to head home. I can only take so much of this place at once, and I have met my limit with ex-lover drama.
I'm choosing to end this blog, and this day with excitement to go home, and the decision to make the best of the time I do have left here with my family until our next visit.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
On a lighter note
So, deployment finally got the best of me. Normally I hate to admit my weakness, but in this case, one day in six weeks doesn't seem weak at all. And just an FYI, last night wasn't the result of one action. This incident was just the straw that broke the camel's back. While I'm upset at myself for getting so angry, I don't apologize. This blog is my place to release all of my thoughts and frustrations while my husband is gone. What you're getting is real and it is doing me good to get comfortable with being so open.
With that being said, today's blog will be a little more lighthearted. I'm writing earlier because I've got to start getting some sleep. This 4AM crap isn't cutting it anymore, and I need to start getting some sleep before I attempt a drive to New York with two kiddos.
OUR DAY
As I've already said, I woke up to what seemed like a bad dream. Did I really let myself get that worked up last night? I didn't get to dwell on this long though. Hallie snuck away while I was checking my 17 text messages [I slept hard lol, and I needed that] and I heard a the toilet flush. In all honesty, I don't know what was flushed. I made it in just as the water was going down. I have all of my jewelry, my phone, and a binky (sigh of relief). The bathroom isn't flooded yet, so I'm not too concerned.
Anyway, we got ready to go to the gym, and I knew it was going to be an interesting trip when Hallie declined her sandals and demanded tap shoes. Yeap, she wore her tap shoes to the gym - funny how you learn to pick your battles as a mom. We stopped on the way to try on a dress I've had my eye on since I arrived in town. It didn't look as good on (Hate that about dresses) and was too big. I'm not complaining about that though :). I only got to do abs and weights at the gym, but it was a great stress reliever. Note to self: do NOT go to the gym before Hallie's naptime. She did fine until she saw me accross the room, and realized I wasn't coming to play with her. Gotta love temper tantrums!
After the gym, we hit up Subway (Another note to self - Cheetos end Hallies tantrums.. buy some for tomorrow at the gym!) Dickey Bub, Country Mart, and WalMart. I got props for a set of pictures I've been dying to try, and I got my mom a birthday cake.. I know it is late, but tonights baseball game (GO COUGARS!!) should be over early enough to do cake. Plus, it has her favorite kind of icing, so I think she'll be happy. I also checked the mail twice.. once before it came, and once after, disappointed both times that my letters still haven't arrived. Love you baby!
Special thanks to my friend Kayla, for going with so I didn't have to drag the kids out at every stop!
Quick update on the kids and their shinannigans:
In the last week, Hallie has learned to put together her wooden puzzles, say NOW and baseball, and she has started singing "Ooooh baby baby" (I sing this to Kyle alot, because he loves it). Yesterday she said 'Mommy, we go see Layah'. [Kalayah is her BFF and she misses her like crazy!] When I told her we would see Kalayah later, she said 'No, momma, see Layah NOW!'
Kyle has learned to grab both feet and squeal, he is continuing to study his fingers, he has learned to eat popsicles (Hallie is obsessed with them, so they will now be at the top of our grocery list: Bread, eggs, milk, popsicles..) and he has started eating oatmeal. Also, his feet have nearly caught up with Hallies in size.
We are headed out now to watch the Cougars play for the consolation championship, wish them luck! I'm so glad I get to see my three brothers playing and coaching together. I grew up at the ballfield and the hardest part of now being home last summer was not attending their games. Congratulations to my oldest younger brother, Matt, for getting all conference!
With that being said, today's blog will be a little more lighthearted. I'm writing earlier because I've got to start getting some sleep. This 4AM crap isn't cutting it anymore, and I need to start getting some sleep before I attempt a drive to New York with two kiddos.
OUR DAY
As I've already said, I woke up to what seemed like a bad dream. Did I really let myself get that worked up last night? I didn't get to dwell on this long though. Hallie snuck away while I was checking my 17 text messages [I slept hard lol, and I needed that] and I heard a the toilet flush. In all honesty, I don't know what was flushed. I made it in just as the water was going down. I have all of my jewelry, my phone, and a binky (sigh of relief). The bathroom isn't flooded yet, so I'm not too concerned.
Anyway, we got ready to go to the gym, and I knew it was going to be an interesting trip when Hallie declined her sandals and demanded tap shoes. Yeap, she wore her tap shoes to the gym - funny how you learn to pick your battles as a mom. We stopped on the way to try on a dress I've had my eye on since I arrived in town. It didn't look as good on (Hate that about dresses) and was too big. I'm not complaining about that though :). I only got to do abs and weights at the gym, but it was a great stress reliever. Note to self: do NOT go to the gym before Hallie's naptime. She did fine until she saw me accross the room, and realized I wasn't coming to play with her. Gotta love temper tantrums!
After the gym, we hit up Subway (Another note to self - Cheetos end Hallies tantrums.. buy some for tomorrow at the gym!) Dickey Bub, Country Mart, and WalMart. I got props for a set of pictures I've been dying to try, and I got my mom a birthday cake.. I know it is late, but tonights baseball game (GO COUGARS!!) should be over early enough to do cake. Plus, it has her favorite kind of icing, so I think she'll be happy. I also checked the mail twice.. once before it came, and once after, disappointed both times that my letters still haven't arrived. Love you baby!
Special thanks to my friend Kayla, for going with so I didn't have to drag the kids out at every stop!
Quick update on the kids and their shinannigans:
In the last week, Hallie has learned to put together her wooden puzzles, say NOW and baseball, and she has started singing "Ooooh baby baby" (I sing this to Kyle alot, because he loves it). Yesterday she said 'Mommy, we go see Layah'. [Kalayah is her BFF and she misses her like crazy!] When I told her we would see Kalayah later, she said 'No, momma, see Layah NOW!'
Kyle has learned to grab both feet and squeal, he is continuing to study his fingers, he has learned to eat popsicles (Hallie is obsessed with them, so they will now be at the top of our grocery list: Bread, eggs, milk, popsicles..) and he has started eating oatmeal. Also, his feet have nearly caught up with Hallies in size.
We are headed out now to watch the Cougars play for the consolation championship, wish them luck! I'm so glad I get to see my three brothers playing and coaching together. I grew up at the ballfield and the hardest part of now being home last summer was not attending their games. Congratulations to my oldest younger brother, Matt, for getting all conference!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Irony
As you can tell from my previous posts, I've been dwelling a lot on the past lately.
Today, there were many people weighing heavy on my heart. Girls I was mean to, people I fought with, friends I lost contact with, people I judged before getting to know them, people I hurt, and people I have never been able to forgive. My goal today was to email each and every person I could think of and make my peace.
A little bit of Billy Madison, if you will.
Great, now the song is stuck in my head, and I have to post it lol
Back to school, back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool.
Alright, enough. No more ADHD outbursts, I promise :)
I've learned from past experiences, if something or someone is weighing on my heart, there is a reason. And I've also learned that if I feel the need to do something, I should.
I get the kids to bed, pray, and start trying to settle down (not an easy task nowadays) and all of a sudden my heart starts racing. I am sweating, shaking, and feel like puking.
Oh, no.. Nathan's in trouble - first thought that runs through my mind. I immediately know this isn't what is bothering me, because when I think of his name and his face, the feeling doesn't get worse. Okay, my husband is fine - I just KNOW it.
And then I see it - a status update - from someone on my list. It seems innocent enough, not leaving much to be gathered. And the feeling is back, picking up speed. I have to close the computer. WHAT IS GOING ON?!
I check on Kyle, get a glass of cranberry-apple juice and sit back down. Back to that post, and the feeling is back. DING DING DING.
Just so happens to be number two on my list.
There are some things that I love and hate about being in such a small town. It takes 2.5 seconds for something that seems so trivial, to be spread around. Especially when people live to create drama, and can't keep their mouths shut. Literally, 2.5 seconds. And there ya have it, I'm ticked. Furious. LIVID.
Ready to knock somebody out.
The beauty in this is, I'm never this quick to anger. But how ironic that this happen, at this time? In all honesty, I knew these things would happen. To girls here, a wedding ring and two children = prize.
Messsed up, right? Nope. Not here. Part of everyday life.
In fact, I'm wondering how I didn't notice that the Welcome to Potosi, Population 2,663 sign had changed. News flash: It now reads POTOSI SHORE.
I'm going to drop this subject now, because I'm angry and know when not to cross a line.
In closing, this is why I did not move home. I don't need the stress, I don't need the drama. I don't need anyone attempting to come between me and my husband when we are both in vulnerable situations. Nearly six weeks have passed without a tear, and tonight all of the frustration, all of the hurt, all of the confusion from being here have built up.
As I'm writing this, the second single tear of the night is sliding down my cheek.
Thank God for the loving, smart, one woman man that I have for a husband.
For you facebook creepers trying to figure out what the heck I am talking about, don't waste your time. There really wasn't anything on the surface. But we all have 'those' people in our lives, and sometimes these 'things' get to me. Ladies, I'm sure you know all too well what I'm talking about.
I don't care how innocent an action is, if the intentions behind it are not.
Today, there were many people weighing heavy on my heart. Girls I was mean to, people I fought with, friends I lost contact with, people I judged before getting to know them, people I hurt, and people I have never been able to forgive. My goal today was to email each and every person I could think of and make my peace.
A little bit of Billy Madison, if you will.
Great, now the song is stuck in my head, and I have to post it lol
Back to school, back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool.
Alright, enough. No more ADHD outbursts, I promise :)
I've learned from past experiences, if something or someone is weighing on my heart, there is a reason. And I've also learned that if I feel the need to do something, I should.
I get the kids to bed, pray, and start trying to settle down (not an easy task nowadays) and all of a sudden my heart starts racing. I am sweating, shaking, and feel like puking.
Oh, no.. Nathan's in trouble - first thought that runs through my mind. I immediately know this isn't what is bothering me, because when I think of his name and his face, the feeling doesn't get worse. Okay, my husband is fine - I just KNOW it.
And then I see it - a status update - from someone on my list. It seems innocent enough, not leaving much to be gathered. And the feeling is back, picking up speed. I have to close the computer. WHAT IS GOING ON?!
I check on Kyle, get a glass of cranberry-apple juice and sit back down. Back to that post, and the feeling is back. DING DING DING.
Just so happens to be number two on my list.
There are some things that I love and hate about being in such a small town. It takes 2.5 seconds for something that seems so trivial, to be spread around. Especially when people live to create drama, and can't keep their mouths shut. Literally, 2.5 seconds. And there ya have it, I'm ticked. Furious. LIVID.
Ready to knock somebody out.
The beauty in this is, I'm never this quick to anger. But how ironic that this happen, at this time? In all honesty, I knew these things would happen. To girls here, a wedding ring and two children = prize.
Messsed up, right? Nope. Not here. Part of everyday life.
In fact, I'm wondering how I didn't notice that the Welcome to Potosi, Population 2,663 sign had changed. News flash: It now reads POTOSI SHORE.
I'm going to drop this subject now, because I'm angry and know when not to cross a line.
In closing, this is why I did not move home. I don't need the stress, I don't need the drama. I don't need anyone attempting to come between me and my husband when we are both in vulnerable situations. Nearly six weeks have passed without a tear, and tonight all of the frustration, all of the hurt, all of the confusion from being here have built up.
As I'm writing this, the second single tear of the night is sliding down my cheek.
Thank God for the loving, smart, one woman man that I have for a husband.
For you facebook creepers trying to figure out what the heck I am talking about, don't waste your time. There really wasn't anything on the surface. But we all have 'those' people in our lives, and sometimes these 'things' get to me. Ladies, I'm sure you know all too well what I'm talking about.
I don't care how innocent an action is, if the intentions behind it are not.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Ell Oh Vee Eee
Week 6 started without me even noticing..
I'm not sure if it is a good thing, or a bad thing that things have been running so smoothly without Nathan. It is obviously good for my stress level, and good for me emotionally. But there is still this small piece of me that wonders if there is something wrong with me.
OF COURSE I miss my husband. Not a minute goes by that I'm not thinking about him, wondering what he is doing, how he is feeling, or if he needs anything. I still pick up my phone to text him and get upset when I can't. But it just seems too easy. No crying, no binging [except for on Coach.. I got a text from the PX today that they have a new selection of Coach purses/shoes/etc online.. too bad I've already met my limit for the year. Dang you Cali friends! And Nathan.. if you're reading this.. I love you ;)].
I've heard before that you can look at a woman whose husband is deployed and JUST KNOW. Tonight I'm wondering if this is true for me. Everyone seems so shocked when they hear that he is gone, and a couple of times I have gotten that look. You know, the look - Like I should be ashamed of myself. Like I shouldn't be at the gym. Recently I feel like people judge me. Like my life going on is a sign that I don't love my husband.
Well, I do.
In fact, I love my husband enough for my life to go on. I love him enough to put myself aside, and take care of things. I love him enough to take care of our children, our finances, our marriage, and myself. And tonight I decided I didn't have anything to feel guilty about. There is nothing wrong with me. In fact, I feel like this is a damn good thing, considering Nathan wants to make this into a career.
I love my husband enough that he doesn't have to put his dream on hold or to rest because his wife can't handle it. And I know that he would if I couldn't. That is how our relationship works - lots of checks and balances.
So tonight, I want to try to put my feelings into words.
Bethany's Love Theory 101
I love my children. From the moment I knew there was life inside me, I loved them with every beat of their microscopic hearts. I will even say I loved them before then, because I always looked forward to the day I would become a mom. I will never stop loving them - they are a part of me, literally, and there is nothing that they could do to change the way I feel about them. I learned this from the best teacher in the world, my mother.
Same for Nathan. I chose to love him, support him, marry him. And we chose to join together for eternity. I strongly believe in 'two shall become one'.
I'm not saying I'm in love with him. I am, but my feelings go much deeper. I also love him, the good and the bad. I love the way he sings, how soft his hands are, the way he loves our children, the way he makes me feel, that he supports me. I love how he misspells words like 'lissoning'. I love him when he makes mistakes; I love him for his mistakes. I love him when he irritates me. In fact, I miss having him standing behind me in the kitchen throwing random things into what I'm cooking and giving me un-wanted advice. I miss him tracking dirt onto my freshly swept and vacuumed floors because it takes too long to remove his boots. I even miss picking up his dirty underwear and wet PT clothes every morning after he showers.. Well, almost :)
I know he would never hurt me. But if he does, I know that I could and would forgive him. I truly want the best for him, and that is why my life hasn't hit a standstill since he left. Right now, no stress is what is best for him. If me being happy for the next year puts his mind at ease and allows him to focus on his job, then I win, on both accounts.
In my eyes, you can fall in and out of love. And while I hope we don't over the next 137+ years of our marriage ;), I know that our love will get us through those rough patches. Love, real love, is ALWAYS enough.
I am in no way trying to compare myself to God, but I do try everyday to mirror His love for me in my love for my husband, and my family.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Because I love him, I will respect him. I will do my best to give him what he wants, and I will stick by his side no matter what he does. I will fogive him, be patient with him, listen to him, console him, laugh with him. I will move accross the country with him every three years so he can pursue his dreams. I will spend years being the sole caregiver, diaper changer, referee, chef, and chaueffer for our children. I will hold them, console them, and remind them of their daddy and his love for them. I will wipe tears and kiss boo boos, answer tough questions, and count down the days until they see him again.
I in no way want this to sound like loving him is a burden on my part. I know that he would and will do everyone of these things for me. I could never not do these things, because I was created for this purpose.
I didn't just marry a man I could live with. I didn't marry a man I couldn't live without.I married the man that I have made the decision to love - truly, deeply, forever. My love is not selfish.
I am so glad to have found the true meaning of love and I am very lucky to have found my Soulmate at such a young age. I am even more lucky to have my love reciprocated.
I love you Nathan, and I know great things are happening between us, even with the distance. Even though I don't see how I could love you more than I do today, I know that I will. Tomorrow, and the next day, and every day after as long as I shall live. LOFYL.
To my followers, I hope you can understand my views, or at least respect them. If you made it this far, kudos :) and if you feel as if you have learned something along the way, even better.
I'm not sure if it is a good thing, or a bad thing that things have been running so smoothly without Nathan. It is obviously good for my stress level, and good for me emotionally. But there is still this small piece of me that wonders if there is something wrong with me.
OF COURSE I miss my husband. Not a minute goes by that I'm not thinking about him, wondering what he is doing, how he is feeling, or if he needs anything. I still pick up my phone to text him and get upset when I can't. But it just seems too easy. No crying, no binging [except for on Coach.. I got a text from the PX today that they have a new selection of Coach purses/shoes/etc online.. too bad I've already met my limit for the year. Dang you Cali friends! And Nathan.. if you're reading this.. I love you ;)].
I've heard before that you can look at a woman whose husband is deployed and JUST KNOW. Tonight I'm wondering if this is true for me. Everyone seems so shocked when they hear that he is gone, and a couple of times I have gotten that look. You know, the look - Like I should be ashamed of myself. Like I shouldn't be at the gym. Recently I feel like people judge me. Like my life going on is a sign that I don't love my husband.
Well, I do.
In fact, I love my husband enough for my life to go on. I love him enough to put myself aside, and take care of things. I love him enough to take care of our children, our finances, our marriage, and myself. And tonight I decided I didn't have anything to feel guilty about. There is nothing wrong with me. In fact, I feel like this is a damn good thing, considering Nathan wants to make this into a career.
I love my husband enough that he doesn't have to put his dream on hold or to rest because his wife can't handle it. And I know that he would if I couldn't. That is how our relationship works - lots of checks and balances.
So tonight, I want to try to put my feelings into words.
Bethany's Love Theory 101
I love my children. From the moment I knew there was life inside me, I loved them with every beat of their microscopic hearts. I will even say I loved them before then, because I always looked forward to the day I would become a mom. I will never stop loving them - they are a part of me, literally, and there is nothing that they could do to change the way I feel about them. I learned this from the best teacher in the world, my mother.
Same for Nathan. I chose to love him, support him, marry him. And we chose to join together for eternity. I strongly believe in 'two shall become one'.
I'm not saying I'm in love with him. I am, but my feelings go much deeper. I also love him, the good and the bad. I love the way he sings, how soft his hands are, the way he loves our children, the way he makes me feel, that he supports me. I love how he misspells words like 'lissoning'. I love him when he makes mistakes; I love him for his mistakes. I love him when he irritates me. In fact, I miss having him standing behind me in the kitchen throwing random things into what I'm cooking and giving me un-wanted advice. I miss him tracking dirt onto my freshly swept and vacuumed floors because it takes too long to remove his boots. I even miss picking up his dirty underwear and wet PT clothes every morning after he showers.. Well, almost :)
I know he would never hurt me. But if he does, I know that I could and would forgive him. I truly want the best for him, and that is why my life hasn't hit a standstill since he left. Right now, no stress is what is best for him. If me being happy for the next year puts his mind at ease and allows him to focus on his job, then I win, on both accounts.
In my eyes, you can fall in and out of love. And while I hope we don't over the next 137+ years of our marriage ;), I know that our love will get us through those rough patches. Love, real love, is ALWAYS enough.
I am in no way trying to compare myself to God, but I do try everyday to mirror His love for me in my love for my husband, and my family.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Because I love him, I will respect him. I will do my best to give him what he wants, and I will stick by his side no matter what he does. I will fogive him, be patient with him, listen to him, console him, laugh with him. I will move accross the country with him every three years so he can pursue his dreams. I will spend years being the sole caregiver, diaper changer, referee, chef, and chaueffer for our children. I will hold them, console them, and remind them of their daddy and his love for them. I will wipe tears and kiss boo boos, answer tough questions, and count down the days until they see him again.
I in no way want this to sound like loving him is a burden on my part. I know that he would and will do everyone of these things for me. I could never not do these things, because I was created for this purpose.
I didn't just marry a man I could live with. I didn't marry a man I couldn't live without.I married the man that I have made the decision to love - truly, deeply, forever. My love is not selfish.
I am so glad to have found the true meaning of love and I am very lucky to have found my Soulmate at such a young age. I am even more lucky to have my love reciprocated.
I love you Nathan, and I know great things are happening between us, even with the distance. Even though I don't see how I could love you more than I do today, I know that I will. Tomorrow, and the next day, and every day after as long as I shall live. LOFYL.
To my followers, I hope you can understand my views, or at least respect them. If you made it this far, kudos :) and if you feel as if you have learned something along the way, even better.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Blogging is hard!
First and foremost..
Happy birthday Mom! I love you and I'm glad the kids and I are here for your birthday.
Writing everyday is harder than I thought. Like everything else, I have a million thoughts running through my head - and then when I sit down, nothing. I guess thats what happens when you go non-stop. This has been a curse and a blessing for me. While I enjoy challenging myself and taking on a lot at once, sometimes I overdo it. Better to be pulling my hair out than worrying myself to death, I guess.
Speaking of worrying, I do want to touch on this Osama thing.
Like most things I think about nowadays, I'm torn.
I can't decide if I'm proud of Americans for the patriotism we're showing, or disguisted at the reason we are showing it. I definitely think this was a giant step for us, and in a way, he got what he deserved. But I am a little... shocked at how so many people can dismiss his life and celebrate his death because he was a 'bad person'.
One of my favorite topics in sociology was deviance.
Nothing is inherently bad. These labels are determined by reactions. His actions horrified US because we were taught that these things are wrong. They were obviously taught much differently. Naturally, we think we are correct. Nothing WRONG with that - everyone thinks that at times (some more than at times :/). But are we really correct? I guarantee you that 'they' feel the same way we do - they're way of life is correct.
Can we really ever have peace if we are always judging and trying to change one another?
I don't want to dive too deeply into this subject, because I'm not big in politics. I don't have a degree in sociology, and I don't feel like I'm correct. Like I said, I don't know how to feel. I tend to overthink and overprocess things, so I could play with this for years and never have a sound theory on it.
Before I move onto something fun, I would like to ask that everyone pray for our troops, for the US, and for everyone affected by his death. Yes, everyone. Remember that every person has some struggle or pain in his life, and to him it is just as rough as what anyone else is going through.
Now for the fun
ABC's of Bethany
(A) Age: Physically, 20. Although mentally and emotionally, I feel like 27 lool
(B) Bed Size: Queen. I can't wait to get back to it <3
(C) Chore You Hate: Taking the trashcans to the curb
(D) Dogs?: Not really a fan of little dogs. Loved our Polar, but it wasn't practical for us.
(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: Breakfast. And dental floss. And a q-tip. I feel gross if I don't floss and clean my ears lol
(F) Favorite Color: Blue
(G) Gold or Silver? White gold
(H) Height: 5'7" - 5'8".
(I) Instruments You Play: Hallie's harmonica lol
(J) Job Title: Stay at home wife/mother/student. And of course, the photography thing I'm pursuing
(K) Kids: Hallie and Kyle. My life :)
(L) Live: North Pole - AKA Fort Drum lol
(M) Mom's Name: Beth. Today is her 50th birthday!
(N) Nicknames: Bop, Boppie Doo, Finny lol
(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? Appendix, Tonsils, Babies lol. Lots of sickness when I was a kid
(P) Pet Peeve: I have a lot. People that are always 'woe is me'. People that do ridiculous things to get attention. People that judge me and don't get to know me.
(Q) Quote from a Movie: You only meet your once in a lifetime friends... once in a lifetime. - Little Rascals
(R) Right or Left Handed? Righty all the way
(S) Siblings: Kristi, Steven, Matt, Brendan
(T) Time You Wake Up? 9:00, or whenever the kids wake me.
(U) Underwear: Yes lol
(V) Vegetable You Dislike: Asparagus.
(W) What Makes You Run Late: It runs in my genes lol but I've gotten alot better since moving to NY. Mainly my scatter-brained-ness lol I will realize as I'm leaving I forgot 1-12 things
(X) X-Rays You've Had Done: Everything. I've had so many broken bones :/
(Y) Yummy Food You Make: Chicken Fajitas, Chicken Cordon Bleu are my favorites!
(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: Wallabys. I have always wanted a wallaby.
Happy birthday Mom! I love you and I'm glad the kids and I are here for your birthday.
Writing everyday is harder than I thought. Like everything else, I have a million thoughts running through my head - and then when I sit down, nothing. I guess thats what happens when you go non-stop. This has been a curse and a blessing for me. While I enjoy challenging myself and taking on a lot at once, sometimes I overdo it. Better to be pulling my hair out than worrying myself to death, I guess.
Speaking of worrying, I do want to touch on this Osama thing.
Like most things I think about nowadays, I'm torn.
I can't decide if I'm proud of Americans for the patriotism we're showing, or disguisted at the reason we are showing it. I definitely think this was a giant step for us, and in a way, he got what he deserved. But I am a little... shocked at how so many people can dismiss his life and celebrate his death because he was a 'bad person'.
One of my favorite topics in sociology was deviance.
Nothing is inherently bad. These labels are determined by reactions. His actions horrified US because we were taught that these things are wrong. They were obviously taught much differently. Naturally, we think we are correct. Nothing WRONG with that - everyone thinks that at times (some more than at times :/). But are we really correct? I guarantee you that 'they' feel the same way we do - they're way of life is correct.
Can we really ever have peace if we are always judging and trying to change one another?
I don't want to dive too deeply into this subject, because I'm not big in politics. I don't have a degree in sociology, and I don't feel like I'm correct. Like I said, I don't know how to feel. I tend to overthink and overprocess things, so I could play with this for years and never have a sound theory on it.
Before I move onto something fun, I would like to ask that everyone pray for our troops, for the US, and for everyone affected by his death. Yes, everyone. Remember that every person has some struggle or pain in his life, and to him it is just as rough as what anyone else is going through.
Now for the fun
ABC's of Bethany
(A) Age: Physically, 20. Although mentally and emotionally, I feel like 27 lool
(B) Bed Size: Queen. I can't wait to get back to it <3
(C) Chore You Hate: Taking the trashcans to the curb
(D) Dogs?: Not really a fan of little dogs. Loved our Polar, but it wasn't practical for us.
(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: Breakfast. And dental floss. And a q-tip. I feel gross if I don't floss and clean my ears lol
(F) Favorite Color: Blue
(G) Gold or Silver? White gold
(H) Height: 5'7" - 5'8".
(I) Instruments You Play: Hallie's harmonica lol
(J) Job Title: Stay at home wife/mother/student. And of course, the photography thing I'm pursuing
(K) Kids: Hallie and Kyle. My life :)
(L) Live: North Pole - AKA Fort Drum lol
(M) Mom's Name: Beth. Today is her 50th birthday!
(N) Nicknames: Bop, Boppie Doo, Finny lol
(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? Appendix, Tonsils, Babies lol. Lots of sickness when I was a kid
(P) Pet Peeve: I have a lot. People that are always 'woe is me'. People that do ridiculous things to get attention. People that judge me and don't get to know me.
(Q) Quote from a Movie: You only meet your once in a lifetime friends... once in a lifetime. - Little Rascals
(R) Right or Left Handed? Righty all the way
(S) Siblings: Kristi, Steven, Matt, Brendan
(T) Time You Wake Up? 9:00, or whenever the kids wake me.
(U) Underwear: Yes lol
(V) Vegetable You Dislike: Asparagus.
(W) What Makes You Run Late: It runs in my genes lol but I've gotten alot better since moving to NY. Mainly my scatter-brained-ness lol I will realize as I'm leaving I forgot 1-12 things
(X) X-Rays You've Had Done: Everything. I've had so many broken bones :/
(Y) Yummy Food You Make: Chicken Fajitas, Chicken Cordon Bleu are my favorites!
(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: Wallabys. I have always wanted a wallaby.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Looking back
I didn't get to post yesterday, because it was PROM and I was busy taking pictures. Prom isn't much of a distant memory for me, I was there just two years ago.. but I already love looking back at my old pictures and memories. Of course, yesterday really had me thinking back and I wanted to share some of our history.
I'm all about memories since Nathan has been gone. We have so many memories, good and bad. I am constantly finding myself thinking back to them.
Just driving around my block brings a rush of memories. Before we were officially together, Nathan was my best friend. Before he was my best friend, I was mildly infatuated with him. My friends and I used to argue and joke about which one of us would get to marry him. Funny how things work out ;). During my freshman year, Nathan moved onto the street below mine.
I was envied for this, even though he didn't know I existed. Oh the days of being boy crazy!
We eventually met, and became running partners. I still remember the first time we met to run together. Of course, Nathan didn't have a shirt on, and thank God it was dark when I noticed this. I could still show you that exact spot where I was standing, and make the same face of utter amazement just by thinking about him now. I have never liked running as much as I did then.
I still remember the smell of his house, and I'll always associate that smell with him. You could smell it on the street as you were running by.
By that winter, I had spent a lot of time at his house watching movies. We became riding buddies for away football games, and I had heard him sing everything from Kelly Clarkson, to Josh Turner (my fave). During these rides, I fell in love with his voice, which still gives me goosebumps today. The epic ice storm came, and we spent our days 'ice skating' down the streets, and jumping on a trampoline full of snow. Our tradition of watching the Super Bowl together began, and in February I learned for the first time how much he hated scary movies. We went to watch The Messengers, and he hid behind me the whole time. That night I met his dad and I was given his class jacket. <3. By this time I had planned his birthday party and vandalized his house many times. In May we went on our first real date. Nathan took me to see Shrek 3 just a few days before he left for BCT. The night before he left is the source of my next memory on our block.
The turning point
At this time, we had still never officially dated. Nathan had barely worked up the nerve to kiss me on the head when walking me home. The night before Nathan left for Africa and BCT, I brought him a letter and the pictures of us I had collected over the months prior. I'm still not sure how I came up with the courage to do what I did next, I still couldn't be within 100 yards of Nathan without wondering if he could hear my heart racing.
Before I say this, prepare to laugh. This will probably seem so naive and innocent to you, but it was a big deal for us.
After many hours of debating [yes, hours.. literally] I kissed him on the cheek for the first time. And left.
We said our final goodbye the next morning before school started, and I was so relieved when he wasn't disguisted with me for my 'actions'.
Looking back now, I can't believe how much of a big deal this was. But this is where things really began. I can't drive down that street without passing that spot and giggling. According to him, this is the act that it took to open his eyes and see that we weren't just friends anymore. Because of that kiss, things changed. And my very first letters (which I still have) started coming from Ft. Benning, GA.
I still remember when the first phone call came, at Country Mart where I worked. The place where Nathan thought it was funny to come in and go through my checkout line, just to watch me fumble with their groceries out of nervousness. That phone call started plans the plans to roadtrip with his family to his graduation.
After Basic, things weren't a fairy tale immediately. We dated for a couple of weeks and broke things off. When school started up, we had a class together - Humanities, which was NOT Nathan's specialty. In this class, things started back up. We are both hardheaded, and stubborn if you can't tell by now. By September Nathan was 'needing' notes - which he later admitted he was didn't, he was just using this as an excuse to be together (And men say we're complicated!) and in October there was a turning point. I knew something had changed when Nathan wanted me to come watch House with his family.
On November 7, 2007 we became 'official'. Every free second was spent together, and even times we weren't free. I felt like a princess every night Nathan walked me home, and then again when he would call me as soon as he got home. We would fall asleep on the phone, so we could 'sleep together'. I had roses and notes left on my windowsill, and one night I was surprised at work with a dressed up boyfriend and another rose, just because I was having a bad day. During this month, Nathan told me he loved me for the first time, and bought me a dozen roses for the first time.
It was the beginning of a first love, and it was strong, untamed, and sometimes a little crazy. I'm not sure I should share this now, and I'm hoping it has been long enough that it can be seen as a cute memory.
Anyway, we had our rough times but they were alawys outweighed by the good. We wouldn't be where we are today without those trials and errors. This is just a small look into the beginning of our love story, I hope you enjoy the history of us as much as I enjoy remembering it.
As much as I cherish these memories and pictures now, I will treasure them even more in 50 years. I can't wait to make new memories with him and our children for the rest of our lives. I promise to do another entry like this then. I cannot promise, however, that we will still be this aDORKable then :)
This picture is Nathan and I waiting for the sunrise, which happpened to be at 5:43 AM that day. Sweetest, most perfect start to the perfect day.
This picture is of Nathan cooking me breakfast. He still loves to cook, and he is surprisingly good at it. I wish I could just throw things together like he does. [Isn't he cute?!]
This is one of my favorite pictures from my junior prom. I was so proud to be going to prom with my date in his Class A's, just like I am still proud of him today.
And, there is just something about a man in uniform ;)
I'm all about memories since Nathan has been gone. We have so many memories, good and bad. I am constantly finding myself thinking back to them.
Just driving around my block brings a rush of memories. Before we were officially together, Nathan was my best friend. Before he was my best friend, I was mildly infatuated with him. My friends and I used to argue and joke about which one of us would get to marry him. Funny how things work out ;). During my freshman year, Nathan moved onto the street below mine.
I was envied for this, even though he didn't know I existed. Oh the days of being boy crazy!
We eventually met, and became running partners. I still remember the first time we met to run together. Of course, Nathan didn't have a shirt on, and thank God it was dark when I noticed this. I could still show you that exact spot where I was standing, and make the same face of utter amazement just by thinking about him now. I have never liked running as much as I did then.
I still remember the smell of his house, and I'll always associate that smell with him. You could smell it on the street as you were running by.
By that winter, I had spent a lot of time at his house watching movies. We became riding buddies for away football games, and I had heard him sing everything from Kelly Clarkson, to Josh Turner (my fave). During these rides, I fell in love with his voice, which still gives me goosebumps today. The epic ice storm came, and we spent our days 'ice skating' down the streets, and jumping on a trampoline full of snow. Our tradition of watching the Super Bowl together began, and in February I learned for the first time how much he hated scary movies. We went to watch The Messengers, and he hid behind me the whole time. That night I met his dad and I was given his class jacket. <3. By this time I had planned his birthday party and vandalized his house many times. In May we went on our first real date. Nathan took me to see Shrek 3 just a few days before he left for BCT. The night before he left is the source of my next memory on our block.
The turning point
At this time, we had still never officially dated. Nathan had barely worked up the nerve to kiss me on the head when walking me home. The night before Nathan left for Africa and BCT, I brought him a letter and the pictures of us I had collected over the months prior. I'm still not sure how I came up with the courage to do what I did next, I still couldn't be within 100 yards of Nathan without wondering if he could hear my heart racing.
Before I say this, prepare to laugh. This will probably seem so naive and innocent to you, but it was a big deal for us.
After many hours of debating [yes, hours.. literally] I kissed him on the cheek for the first time. And left.
We said our final goodbye the next morning before school started, and I was so relieved when he wasn't disguisted with me for my 'actions'.
Looking back now, I can't believe how much of a big deal this was. But this is where things really began. I can't drive down that street without passing that spot and giggling. According to him, this is the act that it took to open his eyes and see that we weren't just friends anymore. Because of that kiss, things changed. And my very first letters (which I still have) started coming from Ft. Benning, GA.
I still remember when the first phone call came, at Country Mart where I worked. The place where Nathan thought it was funny to come in and go through my checkout line, just to watch me fumble with their groceries out of nervousness. That phone call started plans the plans to roadtrip with his family to his graduation.
After Basic, things weren't a fairy tale immediately. We dated for a couple of weeks and broke things off. When school started up, we had a class together - Humanities, which was NOT Nathan's specialty. In this class, things started back up. We are both hardheaded, and stubborn if you can't tell by now. By September Nathan was 'needing' notes - which he later admitted he was didn't, he was just using this as an excuse to be together (And men say we're complicated!) and in October there was a turning point. I knew something had changed when Nathan wanted me to come watch House with his family.
On November 7, 2007 we became 'official'. Every free second was spent together, and even times we weren't free. I felt like a princess every night Nathan walked me home, and then again when he would call me as soon as he got home. We would fall asleep on the phone, so we could 'sleep together'. I had roses and notes left on my windowsill, and one night I was surprised at work with a dressed up boyfriend and another rose, just because I was having a bad day. During this month, Nathan told me he loved me for the first time, and bought me a dozen roses for the first time.
17th Birthday Roses
How he walked into my work..
It was the beginning of a first love, and it was strong, untamed, and sometimes a little crazy. I'm not sure I should share this now, and I'm hoping it has been long enough that it can be seen as a cute memory.
This is Nathan, on my bedroom floor. I told you our love was crazy, kindof like a wildfire (thankfully, it has turned into a more controlled, everlasting flame). He would actually sneak into my room and then sneak back before school, just so we could be together at night.
Anyway, we had our rough times but they were alawys outweighed by the good. We wouldn't be where we are today without those trials and errors. This is just a small look into the beginning of our love story, I hope you enjoy the history of us as much as I enjoy remembering it.
As much as I cherish these memories and pictures now, I will treasure them even more in 50 years. I can't wait to make new memories with him and our children for the rest of our lives. I promise to do another entry like this then. I cannot promise, however, that we will still be this aDORKable then :)
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