Irony

As you can tell from my previous posts, I've been dwelling a lot on the past lately.

Today, there were many people weighing heavy on my heart. Girls I was mean to, people I fought with, friends I lost contact with, people I judged before getting to know them, people I hurt, and people I have never been able to forgive. My goal today was to email each and every person I could think of and make my peace.

A little bit of Billy Madison, if you will.

Great, now the song is stuck in my head, and I have to post it lol

Back to school, back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool.

Alright, enough. No more ADHD outbursts, I promise :)

I've learned from past experiences, if something or someone is weighing on my heart, there is a reason. And I've also learned that if I feel the need to do something, I should.

I get the kids to bed, pray, and start trying to settle down (not an easy task nowadays) and all of a sudden my heart starts racing. I am sweating, shaking, and feel like puking.

Oh, no.. Nathan's in trouble - first thought that runs through my mind. I immediately know this isn't what is bothering me, because when I think of his name and his face, the feeling doesn't get worse. Okay, my husband is fine - I just KNOW it.

And then I see it - a status update - from someone on my list. It seems innocent enough, not leaving much to be gathered. And the feeling is back, picking up speed. I have to close the computer. WHAT IS GOING ON?!

I check on Kyle, get a glass of cranberry-apple juice and sit back down. Back to that post, and the feeling is back. DING DING DING.

Just so happens to be number two on my list.

There are some things that I love and hate about being in such a small town. It takes 2.5 seconds for something that seems so trivial, to be spread around. Especially when people live to create drama, and can't keep their mouths shut. Literally, 2.5 seconds. And there ya have it, I'm ticked. Furious. LIVID.

Ready to knock somebody out.

The beauty in this is, I'm never this quick to anger. But how ironic that this happen, at this time? In all honesty, I knew these things would happen. To girls here, a wedding ring and two children = prize.

Messsed up, right? Nope. Not here. Part of everyday life.

In fact, I'm wondering how I didn't notice that the Welcome to Potosi, Population 2,663 sign had changed. News flash: It now reads POTOSI SHORE.

I'm going to drop this subject now, because I'm angry and know when not to cross a line.

In closing, this is why I did not move home. I don't need the stress, I don't need the drama. I don't need anyone attempting to come between me and my husband when we are both in vulnerable situations. Nearly six weeks have passed without a tear, and tonight all of the frustration, all of the hurt, all of the confusion from being here have built up.

As I'm writing this, the second single tear of the night is sliding down my cheek.

Thank God for the loving, smart, one woman man that I have for a husband.

For you facebook creepers trying to figure out what the heck I am talking about, don't waste your time. There really wasn't anything on  the surface. But we all have 'those' people in our lives, and sometimes these 'things' get to me. Ladies, I'm sure you know all too well what I'm talking about.

I don't care how innocent an action is, if the intentions behind it are not.