Communication

I have a love hate relationship with facebook..
I often toy with the idea of deactivating it, but don't because of the love part.

I LOVE it because I can keep in contact with my husband. While it doesn't replace phone calls completely, this is our main form of communication. Not only can he see my crazy status updates on the kids' shennanigans, but he can see our pictures, videos, and get personal messages all in the same place. I know I would never be able to remember/fit in everything I want to say in our phone calls, and I enjoy being able to send sweet reminders of how much I love him and visa versa. It is also extremely comforting to be able to see other members from his unit/company online. Even if it isn't him, a familiar face means everything is okay.

I HATE for a lot of reasons.
1. It isn't exactly the easiest thing in the world to see everything going on back home, all of the happiness and comradery between old friends, and even old 'enemies'. Yes, I love my life in New York, but it doesn't mean I don't miss back home.

2. Everyone knows what is going on in my life. While this isn't necessarily a bad thing, the impact on friendships is bad. People seem to think that 'liking' a status once a week substitutes a conversation. Or that staying updated with the pictures/videos/posts about me and the kids means that they are participating in our lives. You are, but only halfway. Seeing what is going on on the surface is the easy way out.

And finally, the combination of the two. Seeing the effort put into communication and support for others shows me that you do know what it takes to be a good friend, and you are capable of doing so. This especially irks me when it is someone you couldn't have cared less about months ago. Good for you, for making new friends. Sorry that you expect the old ones to be maintained without any effort.

My husband (and other supporters/friends) actively communicate with me on facebook. I would be extremely upset if Nathan thought that simply observing my news feed was doing his part in maintaining/building our relationship. Thank God he knows there is more to it than that, and he just uses those posts to stay connected AND as a base for the actual communication we have.

Even better is the fact that he doesn't have to read about me being upset over lack of communication to get the hint.

I know, I know. I could probably do more too. But it is everyone.. and me. All of my friends/family are 1000 miles away. Most of my friends/family only have us, or a handful of people at a distance that they are trying to keep in contact with. Is it possible for me to reach out to everyone? Probably. But is it a heck of a lot easier for you to contact me? To check in with me? To see if we need anything? Just to talk?
yes. Yes. YES.

So, am I jealous? I don't think so. Am I needy? Maybe.. we all need friends, but should I have to beg and fight to keep mine? Should I do more? Definitely, but I can't bring myself to when I'm already this disappointed; When the disappointment started the same day he left.