The Golden Rule

This is something that has been bugging me for awhile, and since my post last night ended up being about Hallie and her new fur-friend, I'm going to go ahead and venture into this topic. I have wanted to blog about his since my first blog, but I always 'chicken out'.

You're probably thinking: Chicken out from saying whats on your mind? Why?

Because, that is just how I am. I am always afraid of stepping on someones toes, hurting someone's feelings, and I hate confrontation.

Not necessarily bad qualities, but it does leave me getting walked on an awful lot.

THE GOLDEN RULE
Treat others as you want to be treated.. Sounds pretty simple right? The concept is simple, but is easily overlooked.


Maybe I'm just needy, or whiny, or hard to please, but I frequently find myself thinking of things people could have done as a nice gesture.

Examples: Holding the door for me when my hands are full, letting me step ahead when I've got three items and two screaming kids at the grocery store, picking up my phone when I drop it as I'm struggling to carry my two children.

I don't think I'm entitled; These are just small observations I find myself making as I'm out an about, and they normally leave my mind quicker than they enter.

But not recently.

I have never been the best at showing my emotions, and I haven't always been the most outgoing or friendliest person. Once again, I don't feel that I'm unfriendly or cold hearted, I could just be much better at these things. In all honesty, I'd say I'm average in these categories, but I've never wanted to be average. I always wanted to be THAT GIRL. The girl in your class that is too sweet and innocent for words, the one that everybody likes and that has a heart of gold that just shines through - you know, THAT GIRL. Sadly, I've never been comfortable enough with myself to do these things. Once again, you're probably wondering what I mean.. Well, what I mean is this: I often walk away from the opportunity to perform a nice gesture, because I hesitate. Instead of just acting on it, I will over-analyze the situation until it is too late. (If you know me, you know I can over-analyze anything, and I usually do).

"What if they don't want they help? What if they think I'm offering because I don't believe they can do it on their own? What if they think I'm odd?"

I'm dead serious.. I am/was that insecure. And about helping people, of all things.

But I'm not anymore. As I said, I have started to take notice of little situations and things people could have done out of the kindess of their hearts. I'm not taking notice to dwell on it, I'm taking notice so I reach out to others. If it is something I would like, why wouldn't they?

Simple things like telling someone I like their hair, or I understand what they're going through. Letting somebody know how talented they are, or that they have made me smile. Volunteering to do something to make a friend's life easier, or going out of my way make sure a family can have a last set of family pictures before their loved one deploys. Heck, I have even calmed down my road rage and started letting people turn in front of me.

I promise that the point of this entry is NOT to brag about my 'good deeds'. One of my favorite verses is Matthew 6:3 ".... do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret." 


I feel as if I have changed a lot during this deployment, and one of the biggest changes I want to conquer is becoming a better person. Not only a better person, but a better friend.


One of my biggest stresses the last two months has actually been frustration with my 'friends'. As I have said many times, I am so appreciative at the outpouring of love, encouragement, and compliments I have received from you all. But even more than that I have been frustrated at those who haven't sent those things my way. No, I don't need your approval, or encouragement - but it would be nice. It honestly blows my mind to think about the people that have reached out to me - those who I least expected - and those who have been surprisingly absent. 


Sidenote: If you are someone I have tried to reach out to - whether it be a confidence boosting photo comment on facebook, all the way to a random 'How are you' or 'I'm sorry for the past message', please don't think I'm a creep, and even more-so, please pay it forward.

The stress comes from feeling this way. I actually feel guilty for wanting these things from my friends, for feeling the need to bring it up. But then again, should I have to bring it up, if they really are my 'best friends'?


My thoughts and feelings on this are still scattered, and probably always will be. 


Take it from someone who was finally brave enough to put this all out there.. Pay it forward; Do something nice for someone. You may just make someone's day, or even a difference in someone's life. I know many of you reading this have made me smile, and made these last months much more bearable. 


I hope you are shaking your head in understanding. It is never too late to make a new start.