Thursday, June 9, 2011

I CAN

Today started out rough, and it didn't help that last night ended rough.
Sometimes I just wish people would think about others' feelings..

Anyway, this morning was pretty insane. I woke up needing to see my doctor again, and ended up not being able to go when I was planning on it because I lost my military ID (that is a whole different story). This threw off my whole morning, and just when I thought things couldn't get worse.. they did.

I think it is every mom's worst fear to run out of wipes or diapers. I mean, what can you do if that situation arises? I know.. it is easily prevented.. it isn't hard to buy the things you need most. But for me lately, it is. I've always been scatterbrained (understatement lol) but with this deployment things are just so much more hectic. Time is flying by and I'm struggling to stay afloat, but I have to. So, I stocked up on diapers and wipes.. But I forgot Hallie, the wipe monster, likes to pull them out like tissues. So when she did this to the pack this morning, I was sure we had a pack left in our beach bag.. and we headed off to the splash park to meet our neighbor.

When we left the splash park, I realized there wasn't a pack in the beach bag.. at least not one that had wipes in it. So, we went straight to the PX to get some before disaster struck.

But remember, I lost my military id.. so I couldn't even get into the PX. I could've gone to WalMart, but once again, I couldn't get back on post without my id. At this point, Hallie was mad she had to get out of the cool rocket-ship cart before riding around, and I was even more embarrassed, angry, and tired from lugging my chunkers around. We went home to tear apart the house and car, to no avail. I sat down to sulk, not knowing what to do.

And then I remembered.. I bought pizza last night. Pizza that was in the fridge.. :)
Yup.. I found my id not only in the fridge, but in the pizza box. (Have I mentioned I need a BREAK?!)

Just as things are starting to look up, it happens. Hallie needs changed, and it is nasty. Nasty diaper + no wipes = crying Mommy. As both kids stared at me wondering what was wrong, I started to break down.

At this point, Hallie knew something was wrong, and I guess she assumed it was her and her diaper, so she removed it and sat on her potty. If only life were that simple, Sweet Baby Girl.
I knew I had to do something, so I took a deep breath, prepared to find some way to make our situation work long enough to get to the store. And I knew I had to do it fast, because Kyle had prunes last night, and he was a ticking time bomb.

I ended up remembering about our travel wipe cases stored in Hallie's room, and thank God there were wipes in one of them. This simple discovery made me feel redeemed, just enough to push through.
(It is sad the things you get excited about as a parent haha)

Anyway, I'll move on to the point. We made it to the store without incident, and I was feeling much less stressed. Lesson learned, and another example of all of the things that were easier with Nathan around. If this had happened, one of us could've easily ran to the store..

Since my day was shot, we decided to completely wing it.
We ate cold pizza, and drove all the way to Alexander Bay to meet a friend and play at the park.
Hallie swung on the big girl swing.
We went exploring, and got ice cream.
We got chicken nuggets without feeling guilty.
We came home and didn't pick up after ourselves immediately.
I stood and watched as Hallie climbed to get the bread and peanut butter and make herself a sandwich.
I even stood back and watched in wonder as Hallie got a cup and the apple juice, and poured me a glass.
I watched as she spilled it, and giggled as she mimicked me in scooting around on paper towels to wipe it up.
I drank it, even though I wasn't thirsty, because I was so proud of the little woman she is becoming.
I let Hallie give Kyle a taste of chocolate pudding, and then another, and another.
We ate on the couch, and I'm okay with the fact that it now needs cleaned, even though it was cleaned yesterday.

Heck, yesterday I even slipped back into wedding dress, and journeyed through the park with my hooligans and an amazing photographer/amazing person to get bridal portraits taken.

MY EPIPHANY

I CAN feel beautiful.

I CAN make my own decisions. I CAN make mistakes. I CAN control my attitude. I CAN make it through anything.

I was free this evening. Free from worrying, free from doing for others, free from this monotony we call life.
And it felt damn good.

Sneak Peek of the bridal portraits, by Kristen Charles Photography
www.kristencharlesphotography.com

2 comments:

  1. giirrrl you should have called me!! I coulda picked up some wipes for you. but you ARE super mama and made it of course ;)
    p.s.
    you're doing a GREAT job!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Its okay, I realized right after you drove away that the pack was empty. We made it though :)

    ReplyDelete